Dark and Twisty

Im in my Dark and Twisty place.

I need to vent... maybe to real person or my blog. Life is being so crazy right now. I have know clue where life is taking me. Let me rephrase that. Im setting on the side lines and watching life go by. I keep looking in the past and the future is scary. I think if I just set still nothing bad will happen and I will be perfectly fine. Yeah right. Im struggling with some things human things, guy things.. Its stupid I guess. Idk. Its really crazy. Im keeping secrets from ppl and I really dont know how to tell them. Its some really BIG SECRETS...thing that will effect my life tremendously. Hearts will be broken lifes will be torn. So Im keeping them to my self. To keep life at peace. This is what is keeping me setting on the side lines and Im afraid Im going to be there for awhile. Im SCARED.

I hide my feelings inside. I smile and keep on moving. Show ppl that Im perfectly fine and nothing is bothering me. But deep down Im dying. Its eating me alive and I cant take it anymore but im afraid of that will happen. I have nothing or know one to fall back on. This secret will kill everything and once ppl find out i will want to jump in the ocean and never come back up. I want to disperser sometimes and become someone else. I want to live this life behind and start a new. but I cant ever do that I have already invested to much in this one. I dont want to lose the family and friends that I already have.

Im struggling with my faith also. I guess its good to be thinking about it but there are so much keeping from stepping out and taking action. Some ppl say the things we do we chose to do them, I agree. Somethings we choose some things we dont somethings they just are.

Venting I wish I was close enough to someone that I could tell everything to. That person is miles away. Her life is perfect. I dont want to screw it up with all my dark and twistys...

Oh well maybe I will just live with this for the rest of my life. Never tell anyone that means the most to me. Then again I might not even care when I find that someone to share my life with. When ever that will be. ???


IDK. Lifes confusing. I fell like I have know one. Just this blog, that know one reads and music. Loud music. If u turn it up as loud as it possibly can go u almost for get the dark and twistys...